Myths & Facts
There are many commonly accepted myths about male rape. These myths minimise the seriousness of the crime and the responsibility of the perpetrator. These myths also affect the way men feel about themselves when they have been assaulted and the way men are treated by other people.
Myth: Men can't be sexually assaulted.
In fact: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.
Myth: Strong men don't get raped
In fact: Being strong is no defence against rape. Surprise, a weapon, threats, being out numbered or frozen by fear makes fighting back impossible for most victims. The attackers are almost always men.
Myth: Rape only happens to certain groups of men.
In fact: Sexual Assault is not just a problem in prisons. Nor is it limited to gay men. Males of all ages can be assaulted. Males seen in Centres Against Sexual Assault have been as young as six months old and as old as 80. Any man could be raped.
Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted.
Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.
In fact: Most men who rape others identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality - that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.
Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.
In fact: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, men can also be sexually assaulted by women.
Myth: If it's someone you know it's not rape
In fact: Your rights over your body are the same whoever is involved. Males seen in Centres Against Sexual Assault have been raped by strangers, acquaintances, family members, teachers, colleagues, partners and others.
Myth: Most rapists are strangers
In fact: Most men know who their attacker is in some way. Often he/she is well known to them. They may be a friend, neighbour, boss; or a relative, father, uncle, brother or ex-partner. They maybe a trades person or a professional, e.g. a doctor, teacher, psychiatrist, police officer or a public servant.
Myth: Rapists aren't like ordinary people
In fact: Most rapists are ordinary people even though stories about assaults by violent psychotic people are given a lot of space in the press and people often believe that rapists are sick or crazy.
Myth: Some people can't rape
In fact: A person's sexual potency and sexual preference does not affect their ability to rape. Young people and old people do rape young and old people.
Myth: Men rape due to uncontrollable sexual desires
In fact: People can control their sexual desires, however strong, if they want to. No 'desire' gives anyone the right to violate another person. In any case, rape is motivated by the desire to control, dominate, hurt and humiliate, not by sexual desire. Far from being caused by lack of control, many rapes are premeditated and well planned.
Myth: Rape in gay couples does not exist
In fact: Rape in marriage or a relationship does occur. Through physical, psychological or emotional coercion some men are forced by their partners, to engage in unwanted sexual acts, including oral or anal sex. A spouse or de facto can be charged with the rape of their partner. The law recognises that a spouse is not the property of their partner, to be used sexually by them. Surely gay relationships deserve the same recognition.
Myth: Men who are raped are scarred for life.
In fact: Men can and do survive sexual assault physically and emotionally and in the process, can gain strength and self-respect. This myth concerns society's tendency to blame the victim and becomes reflected in how men then feel about themselves. Men who have been sexually assaulted may see themselves as 'soiled' or 'damaged property', whilst society is likely to see them as weak. Even though such attitudes are changing, men may still feel ashamed or guilty, and people may blame them for what happened. This myth is hard to break because it is so engrained in people's minds. However it can be broken.
Myth: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you 'really wanted it' or consented to it.
In fact: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault - this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime.
Myth: I asked for it
In fact: No-one ever wants or invites sexual assault. It doesn't matter what men look like, how they dress, where they go or live, how old they are, or whether they are married or not. Sexual assault is not a sexual experience. It is an act of violence that violates a man's sense of personal safety and control over his life. It is often a violent, brutal and terrifying assault which may have long-lasting effects on his physical, psychological and emotional health, whether or not it involves physical violence.